MINOR MELTDOWN

Today we had a simple Target run on the afternoon schedule. You know—had to restock my new fave Yasso frozen yogurt bars (mint chip, obviously), & maybe take a look at some extra outdoor pillows I don’t need but want. Instead, I found myself searching all the boxes for the right mix of sugars, carbs, and fat… and they didn’t even have my mint chip flavor! Which, let’s be honest, was the entire reason I went to Target instead of Trader Joe’s in the first place.

“Will I never be able to eat ice cream again?” I said to Jason. I was having a moment.

Dramatic? Absolutely. But here’s the thing—preparing for VSG weight loss surgery is this wild mix of hope and … grief? Angst? Hope for a healthier life. Grief for all the little comfort foods that got me through heartbreaks, celebrations, and random Tuesdays. Angst that this is just how it has to be now if I want change.

And I do. I do want change. But there is this element that is like - why do I have to do this when so few others have to, to be a “normal” size. And that is triggering something about our IVF journey … and my entire life really — about the things that I have had to bear. I’m like, real pissed off, that this is where we’re at.

I did find Halo ice cream to re-try, which I used to love. I am glad Jason was with me because I did not wallow for long (the man does appreciate a “strategic strike” when grabbing groceries after all.) And then I just had to remind myself— I’m not saying goodbye to “comfort,” I’m just learning how to find it somewhere other than a pint of rocky road. Or whatever. You get the point.

Progress. Not perfection.
One aisle at a time.

Ugh!